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You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.


I actually had a some-what pleasant conversation with my ex today and found out some info about his employment situation that I've been wondering about. My ex belongs to the Union. (It just so happens that my boyfriend belongs to the same Union). Now, the Union has a lot of rules and dues that you need to pay. Loser has never been good about following the rules of the Union, or paying the dues. Well, he finally disclosed that he owes the Union over $600 in back dues, plus some other fines. This explains A LOT because they won't send him out to work until he pays these dues and fines.

There are a lot of good and bad things about working Union. One of the bad things is, they don't want you to work NON-Union. It's kind of a Catch 22. They won't send him to work until he pays the money he owes and if he works Non-Union to make money to pay the fines, and they find out about it, they'll kick him out of the Union. I tell you what, these people are f'ing geniouses. Granted, he should of never falled behind on his dues anyways. But now he owes so much in back dues, it's hard to catch up and they refuse to take payments. Which is another one of thier genius-like mentalities.

But I have to say that I feel much better talking to my ex rather than yelling at him. Even though that feels good sometimes too!

I should use Featherbrain as a screen name as opposed to So_cali_hottie. Yesterday, J. and I were out running around. I took my keys out to get into my office so we could use the restroom and get a drink, since we were in the neighborhood. J. was driving my car and he has his own keys. Well, instead of putting my keys back in my purse, I put them in the glove box. I feel like knocking myself in the head and saying "HELLLLOOO is anybody home"? J. has been taking my car to work since it's cheaper on gas and he works over 60 miles away.

I go to leave the house this morning and guess what? That's right! I don't have keys! The keys are in my car and J. has my car! That means, I can't take my daughter to school or go to work. I call my ex (who lives a few miles away) to see if he can take our daughter to school. He wasn't home, but luckily his mom was home and she generously offered to take Bre to school AND me to work. This was kind of an uncomfortable situation for me, since I was married to her son for 9 years, and she's coming to pick us up at my boyfriends house. But what other option did I have? I was very uncomfortable riding in her car but she was unusually pleasant to me. Bre made it to school on time and I was half an hour late to work (again). This is why I really HATE Mondays!


After I got off the phone with AT&T, I called the Bastard and cussed him out for going behind my back and turning the service back on. I really can't blame him, because I probably would of done the same thing. But it still pissed me off none-the-less. So after I made some empty threats, just to push his buttons, and called him some nasty names, I felt better. Calling him names is totally not like me. I have to be pushed to that point. Bastard is usually the name caller. He always has been as long as I've known him. I never really took it to heart, so I wouldn't call it mental abuse.

On a lighter note, my parents are having their 30th wedding anniversary on Monday. I called my mom yesterday to see what her and dad were going to do, or if they had any plans. She just mentioned that they might go out to dinner or do something like that. So I suggested that I come over with J. and the kids and make them dinner, have a cake, etc. So she liked that Idea. I called my sister to let her know. She's going to take care of the cake; I'll take care of dinner.

Last night when I came home, J. suggested that we go out to dinner. Of course I thought that was a great idea. Then he asked if I wanted to invite my parents to join us. I haven't seen my dad in a while, since when I go to pick up the kids, he's usually at work, so I thought that was a really great idea. We met my parents at their house around 7ish. Then we went to a new Mexican restaurant that just opened up. I was hoping that the food wasn’t going to be as crappy as the chips and salsa. The chips were over done and the salsa was like water-downed tomato sauce with a chunk of onion, tomato and cilantro here and there. It was horrible. I ordered Fish Tacos. They were awesome. I was impressed with the food with the exception of the chips and salsa. J. and I called it an early night, since he'd been up since 4 am.

This morning, J. suggested that we have Blueberry Waffles for breakfast. Then later he said something about a soft-boiled egg. I suggested Eggs Benedict. So he made the Eggs Benedict while I ran my mile on the treadmill. That was REALLY good. He is such a good cook. J. is taking a nap right now while I'm writing in my blog. I'm going against one of my personal rules and using his computer for personal reasons. I've already made that mistake once before. But I'll be smarter about it this time. I told him today that I have an online Journal. He asked questions. But I wouldn't let him read it, even if he insisted. Not that there is anything all that bad said here about him. But there are days when I wasn't too happy with him and I wrote about it. Why do people tend to look at the bad stuff more than the good? I know I write about the bad stuff in here than I do the good. Especially about my ex. For some reason the bad out-weighs the good. I explained to J. that this is something that I really enjoy and I like writing. I write about all kinds of stuff. I write about the current, and stories about my past. It helps me vent and it's also nice to remember sometimes. So I can go back at a later date and remember about things I was feeling or good and bad experiences.


OMG! I just got my AT&T bill online. I had my ex's service suspended on February 19. Well guess what????? BASTARD called the next day and had them turn the service back on! I just got the bill and was like WTF!? How the hell was he able to make all those calls? I feel like such and idiot!!!!!! So now I have an additional $100 added on to my bill. I'm so freakin pissed!!!! They said that he was able to "VERIFY" the account. Which means that he would have to supply them with a password. There is absolutely NO WAY he could of guessed my password. It's a madeup word. And there is NO WAY in hell I would of given it to them. They said that he gave them my last 4 digits of my social security number plus my password. BASTARD!!!! I HATE HIM RIGHT NOW!!!!! And I'm sure he's SOOOOOOO PROUD of himself for that one!

I have just a few very close friends that I share most every thing with. And I have a great relationship with my mom and sister. My dad, I'm not so close with. He's really not much of a talker. He's always been pretty quite. But I would still say that we have a good relationship. My dad does tell me how he feels about things that are important in my life. Like my relationship with my ex-husband. I would say that my dad has had the most influence on me and LOSER staying together for so long. I really didn't want to get married because I was pregnant at the age of 18, but my parents and LOSERS parents said that it was the "right" thing to do. I wanted to wait until after the baby was born. But I know if I would of done that, we never would of been married since things happened when I was pregnant that would of been the end of our relationship if we weren't married.

Loser has always been a heavy drinker. His drink of choice is beer. Back then; he was drinking a 12 pack a night, which was very expensive for a newly married couple with a baby on the way. Loser has also always had a bad temper. I'll never forget the night (when I was pregnant) we went out with some friends to watch Monday night football. I wasn't feeling too good, so I went home early. I was always sick when I was pregnant with my daughter. Which was good in a way because I only gained 24 pounds. Anyways, I was expecting Loser to come home after the game was over. He was getting a ride from our friends. He didn't come home until 2 am. Or something like that. I just remember it was REALLY late. So of course I was mad that he was home so late, and he was totally drunk. We got into an argument and somehow ended up in the spare bedroom. This was the room where he liked to punch holes in the walls. Maybe that's why we ended up there, so he could punch a hole in the wall. That's exactly what he attempted to do, punch a hole in the wall. Well the genius punched the stud instead and dislocated the bones in his hand and ended up having to get the bones re-broke and put back into their sockets. His story to everyone was that he went out back and the dog got under his feet and he came down on his hand on the cement. Being the co-dependant that I am, I went along with that story for years. This was just one of the major blow up's we had during the beginning of our marriage. I'm fortunate that he punched the walls instead of me.

I remember crying to my dad on several occasions after that saying that I couldn't handle it and I wasn't happy in my relationship. When Loser and I lived in Bakersfield, that was probably a few of the worst years in our marriage. Loser had only been working in construction for about a year. He got hurt on the job and was on workers-comp. While hurt and at home, he drank a lot! And he was at the bar A LOT! Instead of being at home with my daughter and me. One night he was so drunk, he got lost on his way home and got a DUI and MY car impounded for 30 days. Luckily there is a really great bus system in Bakersfield, so I had to take the bus to work for that month. I remember being really un-happy living in Bakersfield. I had my Grandparents there and an Aunt. I also had friends from work that I would go out with. But my family wasn't there. Plus things were really bad between Loser and I. I called my parents up one night crying, and told them about everything that was happening and how I wanted to come home and leave Loser. Of course my parents wouldn't turn me away so they agreed to help me. Then my dad said that I really needed to work things out with my husband and suggested that he come live with us, and LOSER could work for my dad.

We moved in with my parents, and I transferred my job to San Bernardino. We ended up living with my parents for 2 years!

Story to continue later......


I've been feeling really guilty about venting about petty things in my life when there are much bigger, more important things happening in the world. But my guilt won't stop me from wallowing in self-pitty. I do feel better today. I feel better because I went to see the Facilitator at the courthouse today. He made me feel better by telling me that my ex might have to pay me child support based upon his earning potential. Not what he currently makes right now.

I tried to do a little investigating yesterday and I also tried to get his un-employment cut off so that he'd be forced to go to work. I've never felt so vindictive in my life. This was NOT me a few months ago. I was pretty much willing to let him have his way. But he's pissed me off so much lately that I say "SCREW HIM". And that has become my new mission. I would not be doing this if he was working and helping out all along. But hell, the man hasn't worked in 10 months! How can the EDD (Employment Development Department) still pay out to someone who hasn't found a job in 10 months?! My dad gave me 2 weeks to find another job when he couldn't afford to pay me anymore. THAT DAY I was looking for another job. I made out a resume, and looked through the papers. Well, It didn't take me long to land the job I have now. I know it was less than 2 weeks. I know it's not that easy for everybody, and I got VERY lucky. But if you have skills, you SHOULD be able to find a job within a reasonable amount of time if you are REALLY looking. I say in 10 months, if you still haven't found a job, you haven't been looking very hard and you're lazy and like doing nothing all day and still collecting a paycheck.


So I joined this Forum for people going through or who are already divorced. I chose the Child Support/Visitation group. Which is where I have questions. Now please tell me.... AM I WRONG for wanting to have the primary custody of my kids? All anyone has told me is that I should be HAPPY that my ex is ABLE to be at home with my kids vs. putting them in child care. My kids will NEVER be in a child care as long as my Mom is home to watch them. And if she can't watch them, I have other alternatives. Hell, I have vacation days that I can take! Then they are telling me that I'd better make sure I have a damn good attorney because all my ex has to tell the judge is that he is a stay-at-home dad, and he CHOOSES to be home for the kids. Then I will end up paying HIM child support. I only have two words to say about that... "FUCK THAT"! Not if I can help it.

Today I finally got some great advise from someone in my Forum who has been the nastiest to me. All along I thought it was a guy doing similar things to his ex that my ex is doing to me. I come to find out, that it's the wife of a man who is being screwed by his ex. Long story there. Well she told me this: My advice to you is to provide the court with your STBX husband's past Proof of Wages. Bring in the past couple of years worth of tax returns.

That will prove what he is ABLE to make, and that he is eligible for work.

Also, call around your area, within 30 miles of your hometown, at places that are hiring. Ask how many positions they have open. Write everything down. Document all your phone calls. Clip newspaper clippings with the job announcements from them, and bring them into court, to prove to the court that your ex-husband is UNWILLING to work, not unavailable to do so,a nd that you want an award of custody based on the premise that he WILL be working after the divorce is over... you also want an order stating that child support, based on his POSSIBLE income, should be instituted no more than 3 months after the final order goes in place, whether or not he has a job. This should put a flame under his arse, to get a job.

Finally some advise that I can use! Maybe joining the Forum WAS worth it!

There is a saying that God doesn't put on you more than you can handle. Well, I really think he is testing me. Yes, things could get worse. I'm just feeling sorry for myself for all the shit I'm going through at the moment with my divorce, finances, etc. The inevitable happened today and my cell phone got shut off. I completely blame my ex for this one. I think I said in an earlier blog that during the time we got back together, I gave him a cell phone under my account. He was going to pay for his own phone bill of course. Well, after we separated in July, I shut it off. He begged me to turn it back on and if I did this for him, he would pay for my phone too. I would just pay for the minutes I went over my plan. Like a stupid MORON who knew better, I agreed. So I guess I can't place all of the blame on him since I knew better. But it makes me feel somewhat better to blame him completely :-) So anyways... One month my bill was over $475. I did go over my minutes, but only by $50. The rest was LOSER'S. I couldn't pay it all so I just paid $300 towards it. Of course I called him to let him know and cuss him out about it since I know that he couldn't pay. The next month the bill was over $350. Well, I couldn't pay this one either. So my phone is now disconnected and I'm going to have to pay over $500 to get it turned back on.


I changed the name of my blog to "T.M.I. About April" because it's true. I share more with people that I've never met in person and complete strangers, than I do with my friends and family. What's up with that? Maybe it’s because I write about them. I haven't really written too much about my immediate family like my Mom, Dad or Sister. Probably because I don't see them enough, or spend enough much time with them to have anything to gripe about. I really enjoy every minute with them. The funny thing is, I pick up my daughter from my parent's house just about every day! And lately, my mom has been taking care of my son (since I don’t want Loser to have them) for me while I'm at work. I drop him off in the morning and pick both of my kids up there at night. But, I only spend 10 to 15 minutes at my Parents house each day. I do try to get over there some weekends for a visit during the day. But we've been so busy lately, doing our own stuff, and they have been doing their own stuff, that we haven't been able to really have a good visit.

I just realized that I haven't said anything about the wonderful weekend we had. It's definitely worth sharing about.

Friday Night, the four of us played Jenga. I was very impressed with how well my four year old did. He never made the tower of blocks fall down. He was very careful about which block he pulled out of the stack, and how he pulled it out. So, after we got tired of playing Jenga, J. built a fire in the back yard. He has an old washing machine tub he uses to make camp fires with. Now normally, you would expect to roast Marshmallow’s or Hot Dog's in a backyard fire. Well not us! We ate Popsicles! But not just ANY Popsicle, we had Creamsicles! Yes, we ate Popsicles by a fire! Isn't it Ironic, don't you think? Well, I said that it was silly to sit around a fire and not roast Marshmallows, so I grabbed the bag and some wire hangers and let the kids roast the Marshmallows. They loved it!

Saturday we went up to Big Bear and went sledding with the kids. Snow was melted on our spot that we used last time, so we had to hunt for another spot that wasn't crowded. I was surprised on how many people were there since we were questioning if there was going to be enough snow, on our ride up there. We hiked up a blocked off road that was total mud, and found a great spot. There was a slight decline that was clear for sledding. And a path to walk up the hill that didn't have any snow. The only problem was, there was a bump at the end of our path and if you flew over the bump, you would crash into a tree. That happened to my daughter, she hurt her finger and didn't want to sled anymore. Eventually she shook it off, but it took a while. J. and the kids made a snowman and we took pictures of them with their new friend. After we were done sledding, we drove to Lake Arrowhead and picnicked in the McDonald's Outside patio that had a view of the lake. We brought our lunch and was planning on picnicking somewhere and decided that would be the best place. After that we went through all the shops and drove home around 5:30. We made a pizza and watched a movie for the rest of the evening.

Sunday we went back out to the riverbed and went Quad Riding. I had my son and J. took my daughter. There was a part of the riverbed that had about an inch of water and trees were on both sides, so we pretended that we were riding through the forest. It was a fun ride and we got soaked and muddy from all the water splashing on top of us.

I really need to vent right now. Lately it seems as though everything that could come up, is. And I guess one of my bigger stresses is that I'm feeling bad about keeping my kids away from my ex. I just don't feel as though he deserves to be with them as much since he's not helping out in any way and he's a total loser. He is their dad after all and it takes more to be a parent than just spending time with them. Which is about all he does since he has nothing but time on his hands. I, on the other hand, come to work like everbody else, and earn my living. I work for my money. People that can't go out and find their own jobs and do something to help contribute to society really piss me off. Why the hell should I get up every day and come to work when I could sit at home, collect a check that I didn't earn, and spend some quality time with my kids. They are only kids once. They grow up and become adults. I just hope that I can teach them (by example) that to feel good about yourself and for others to feel good about you, people need to work. If you don't work, you put an added burden on the people that do work, because we all of us working people get taxed to help support the lazy people of the world. Now don't get me wrong, I know there are instances where some people are incapable of working. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about most of the people on welfare or people like my ex.

My ex has placed a huge burden on me by not helping me out in any way, running up my cell phone bill, and not contributing to the well-being of our children by providing medical insurance or helping out with the daily expenses of having children. I know he is capable of making almost tripple of what I do and in his line of work he had excellent health coverage. I'm sure he's got to be a burden on his parents as well, since they are the ones who are supporting him. But I think of them as being co-dependant for continuing to help him, instead of making him responsible for his own actions and having him deal with his own shit.

Loser is a good dad in a few ways, he does love his kids and I know that he will never abandon them like some dad's do. And of course, my kids love their dad. They have fun with him. But it takes more to being a parent than that. A LOT more.

Any Comments?


It's Monday! I hate Mondays. There is absolutely nothing I like about Mondays. I'm NEVER on time on Mondays. I have 5 days of work and getting up early until the weekend comes. This sucks! But it's life and I have to deal with it. Other things I have to deal with on a daily basis is my loser ex husband.

J. (my boyfriend) and I decided that since LOSER (aka Ass, aka my ex) doesn't help support my kids in anyway and since he owes me so much freakin money for the cell phone bill, that we are keeping the kids from LOSER until he gives me some money. I know it sounds like I'm keeping the kids for randsom, but why should he get to see them if he's not contributing to their well being in anyway. It's not fair that I'm barely getting by and he's being supported by his parents since he can't get off his lazy ass and get a job.


My ex has got to be one of the biggest losers on the planet! This is my ex: He's 32. He's a good looking guy which is about all he has going for him. I have to admit that I am totally disapointed in him. When he was in High School he was one of the most popular guys in school. He was the Senior Class President, very smart, athletic, good looking, great personality, he had everything going for him. I didn't know him back then, but I've heard stories from some of his old classmates. My ex had an academic scolorship to go to UCLA because he scored so high on the SAT's. But he chose to go to Jr. College instead, where he dropped out 1/2 way through the first year because he just wanted to party and get drunk all the time. He started drinking when he was 15.

I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 22. I was working in a Pizza Restaurant and he would come in all the time with his friends and drink beer and play pool before they went clubbing. I thought he was HOT! He was working a a feed store where they sold hay, alph alpha, dog food, cat foot, etc. He was bucking hay all day long. (For those of you who have no idea what bucking hay is, he would unload the hay from the trucks and stack it in the yard using hooks). So his body was in great shape. Some bales of hay weighed as much as 100 lbs. I made it obvious that I was checking him out but, I had a boyfriend that I was with for 2 years so when he asked me for my phone number, I refused. I was kicking myself later, but I had a boyfriend. Things weren't going to well with that boyfriend and we broke up a few weeks later. So the next time I saw Ass (that's what I'm going to call him) I asked him if he still wanted my phone number.

3 months after we had met and I ended up getting. So we got married 4 months later. And 9 years later we're getting divorced. I married someone I thought had a lot of potential to do something with his life. He was all the things I had mentioned earlier. As far as I'm concerned Ass could of done ANYTHING he wanted. He's that smart. Unfortunately the man has NO common sense. Plus he has an addictive personality. He's an alcoholic and addicted to Vicodin. He swears that he's not taking the Vocodin anymore, but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

As I was saying before, the man is 32, he lives at home with his parents, he doesn't work, he drives an old beat up mini van that he bought from his parents for $400. He has no ambition, no drive and I'm sure he's going to end up on the streets someday because he spends all his money on alcohol. I haven't seen a cent from him in months. We haven't gone to court yet, so they haven't ordered him to pay me child support.


I'm very fortunate to have my job. It may not pay a lot of money, but the perks of the job make up for the lack of money I earn. I have a TON of freedom in my job as long as I get my work done. My boss isn't constantly breathing down my neck. In fact, we get along very well. How many people can actually say that they like their boss? I do have my occasional gripes about her. But for the most part, I really like her. I also get along very well with everyone I work with. There are five people in my office that I work with everyday. Then there are six guys that work in Operations/Maintenance that I have to deal with. There are our Public Safety officers and Customer Service people that I occasionally deal with as well. I can honestly say that there is only one person that I don't like. That would be a guy in our Customer Service. He just rubs me the wrong way. But other than that, I like everyone!

Now as far as the perks of my job go, Christmas is awesome! This last Christmas, I received a Tiffany's bracelet from the lady that designs our ads for us. Plus we took a 3 hour lunch and lunch was free! I also get to go to SCMDA (Southern California Marketing Directors Association) meetings at really cool places with my boss. We've seen The Lion King at the Pantagous Theatre in Hollywood where the Marketing Director spoke with our group about the challenges of marketing the play. We also got to go to the new Hollywood and Highland Mall right after the last Academy Awards Ceremonies. The Marketing Director for that center spoke with our group about the behind the scenes for the Academy Awards and all the security measures and changes the mall has to go through for the preparation of the Academy Awards. During these meetings they always have a raffle. At this meeting I won a framed poster from the Academy Awards plus a piece of the red carpet. I was going to sell it on E bay but I really don't have any proof on where I got it other than the folder I have with all the info that the mall gave to their merchants regarding the Academy Awards.

Aside from the meetings, I'm pretty much free to come and go as I please. If I have to go run a quick errand, I do it. If I need to take a long lunch, take a morning or afternoon off, I can. Plus, I'm habitually late. (I think I've discussed this in previous postings). I go out into the mall when I want. I eat at my desk all the time. I can talk on the phone for as long as I want. I've done my nails at my desk, hemmed my pants. You name it, I've probably done it. One of my favorite things is that I'm on the Internet ALL DAY LONG! I have a large friends list on my Yahoo Messenger that I can chat with on and off all day long! I've thought about getting another job that pays more money, but I'd have to give up my freedom and happiness to do that. For the most part, I love my job. I do get bored at times because I really don't have enough work to keep me constantly busy. But I've found other things to occupy my down time.


Well, I made it back alive and with no broken bones from Glamis. I'm just totally sore and bruised all over my body! Over all it was a fun weekend. I had more fun on Sunday than any other day. Just because I was more comfortable riding a quad. Here's the rundown on my weekend:

Arrived Friday around 10pm. We found a spot on Gecko Road. It wasn't exactly the most level spot. So we had to jack up one side of the trailer. That took FOREVER and tons of work. So our camp was all set up finally and J decided we can go for a ride in the dunes in his truck. That was pretty fun and scary at the same time. For those of you who have never been to Glamis, try to imagine miles and miles of hills in sand. Some of them steep, some of them small. You come upon a hill and go over it, but you have no clue about what's on the other side. You don't know if it's flat, a slope or a drop straight down. For an amateur like myself, it's very intimidating.

Saturday we got up and went for a ride on the quads. The only other time that I've ridden a quad was the weekend before, and it was in the river bed close to our house. The riverbed is flat. Sand dunes are not flat. J. just taught me how to shift on that ride. So on Saturday at Glamis, we went out to the dunes. J. tells me to give it some throttle going up the dunes. The first "real" hill I come up, I give it a lot of throttle. I come over the top of the hill in a wheelie for about 50 feet! He's yelling at me "Let off the throttle!" The entire time I was thinking that I'm going to land on my back and the bike is coming down on top of me! Luckily I let off the throttle and landed just fine and let the bike die. J. was cracking up! He said that if he didn't know any better, he would of thought I was a pro cuz it looked really good! Too bad we didn't get a pic. So I start up the bike and tried to follow J. through the dunes again. Well, he comes up to a very steep hill and flies up it. I attempt to follow but go up at an angle and fall off the bike and the bike lands on top of me. So I'm pinned by the bike. J. notices that I'm not behind him. He comes back to see that I've rolled the bike on top of me. He wasn't very happy that I broke the new-lighted flag he spent $30 bucks on and we never got to use it. But he was glad that I was ok. I decided that I didn't want to ride anymore that day.

After we got back to camp, some of the people that had come to our camp weren't exactly "our kind of people". We instantly thought of "You might be a redneck if...." jokes. We had some other friends at another camp where the traffic wasn't right beside us. Our camp was 10 feet from a busy road. We spent a few hours packing up. While we were packing, I kept smelling BBQ. I never said anything since I thought that our neighbors had a fire going. About 5 minutes later, J. said the trailer was on fire! He yells at me to get the fire extinguisher at the same time he's running in the trailer to get an extinguisher. He comes back out with one, goes to spray out the fire, but nothing comes out! I remember where I saw another extinguisher in the wall so I run into the trailer to get the other one. Meanwhile, he's got a bottle of water that he was about to open and pour on the fire. I give him the extinguisher and it works! Our "redneck" friends come with another extinguisher. But then we decide that we need water. Luckily the rednecks had a Super Soaker! That worked great! What happened was, the generator has a pipe that goes through the floor into a muffler. Well that got so hot that it caught the wood from inside the floor on fire. It had been smoldering for probably 10 minutes. J. had caught it just in time. Otherwise it could of been disastrous.

We finished packing up our stuff, loaded up the trailer, found our other friends campgrounds and then spent another hour setting it back up again. Then we took a ride out to Oldsmobile Hill. Our friends had Sandrails and we were all supposed to ride out together. J and I followed one of our friends, and the other friends were supposed to be following us in their Sandrail. Somehow we lost them or they lost us. We somewhat look for them, but then we decided that they went back. So we continued out to Oldsmobile. I didn't exactly have a lot of fun on that ride either. I was scared of the hills. I was going slow. And J. wasn't too happy with me for not keeping up. I hurt my wrist coming down hard on a large whoop, so that didn't help things. We finally made it out to Oldsmobile. I couldn't believe the size of this hill! It was a small sand mountain, not a hill! We watch everyone go up and down the hill in their dirt bikes, quads and some bad ass Sandrails, then J. says "Come on". I look at him and reply, "Come on WHAT??" Because there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going up that hill!!!! J. says to me exactly what I was thinking he was going to say to me. "Let's go up the hill". I say to him "NO FREAKIN WAY!" Then he explains that it's just a big hill, but not that steep. He offers me his bike since it's more powerful and tells me how to shift going up the hill. So, I give in and go for it. I made it up the hill! In fact, I beat him up the hill! This gave me new confidence. I really only beat him up the hill because the other bike isn't nearly as powerful as his bike. We went up and down a few more times, then J. switches bikes with me. Of course he totally kicks my ass all the way up. In fact, I didn't even make it all the way up. I made it most of the way. But the bike decided it didn't want to play anymore and came out of gear. So J. to the rescue (again) and helped me put the bike in reverse so I could turn around. We went back to camp after that. It was time to go watch the drags. J. makes us a few drinks for the trip ;-) Cranberry and Vodka. 1/2 Cranberry, 1/2 Vodka. Nice and strong! The drags were cool. We stayed for about 1/2 hour then go back to camp. It was getting dark by this time. We come back to camp and decide we need another drink. So we made more Cranberry and Vodka's. The rest of the evening we just drank, got drunk, ate some burritos that our friends made, had a Margarita, lit off some fireworks, made Smores and went to bed.

Sunday morning we had a slight hangover. On the scale of 1 to 10 I would of said that these were about a 4. Headache, Cotton Mouth, don't wanna get out of bed. We finally got our asses out of bed since we could hear everyone else in our camp was up. We started packing up then we went on a ride with the friends we came with. They have a Sandrail. We went back out to Oldsmobile Hill. My riding skills have greatly improved by then. I was much more confident. It was actually a fun ride out there. We went the long way and found a jump. This was a great jump because it was flat on the top of the hill. J. took the jump first, then our friends in the rail took the jump. I decided to go for it. I actually did it! I was cautious at first. But the more I did it, the bigger the jump I took. I’ll have pics posted shortly. We hung out at Oldsmobile for a while then headed back. By the end of the ride, my entire body ached and my throttle thumb was real sore. But it was a lot of fun once I got the hang of it and I can’t wait to go back.


Growing up, my parents never really took me and my sister anywhere. We went places, but not a lot of places. I did get to go to Hawaii when I was 12. That was fun and something I will always remember. But that was the only other state my parents took us to when I was growing up. We usually just stayed within the confines of California. The furthest north that we traveled was just above Sacramento, where my Aunt, Uncle and Cousins live. When I was 17 I finally got to go to the river in Arizona with a group of friends. That was my first time out of California.

I was also married for 9 years to a LOSER! We never had money to go anywhere. So we never went anywhere. I was 20 when I finally got to go to Vegas for the first time. I used a friends ID that was older than me so I could gamble and drink. Not that I could really drink that much since I was nursing and my boobs felt like they were about to explode. I was the only one out of the group with an South Carolina Drivers Lisence. But it worked!

I left my husband for the very last time on July 9th. Yes, I've left him many other times before that, but this time, I've totally had it and will never go back. I filed for divorce in November and I'm hoping that it will be final by the end of April. So ANYWAYS, I think Vegas was really the only fun place we ever went together. We would do local fun things. But we never really traveled much. While I was in the dating scene, I went with a friend to Seattle, WA for New Years. Yes! I finally got out of California again.

J and I have created a list of things to do together that I have never done. As you can imagine, the list is very long and tends to grow longer. Now, these things don't necessarily mean taking a trip to tour Europe. But things that most people get to experience. We've been together for 8 weeks now, and we've been able to check off a few of these things from our list such as going to Supercross, the Orange County Swapmeet, A romantic dinner at Tuscany's in Palm Desert, Sledding in Big Bear, Going for a ride on the quads and now taking a trip out to Glamis.

Here is a list of things we plan to do together in the near future. Most of these things J has already done but he want's to share the experiences with me since I've never done any of these things. Skydiving, River Trips to Havasu and Laughlin, Skiing, Snowboarding, Tijuana and other Mexican Cities, Camping in Mammouth. This is just a start since I can't think of everything off the top of my head. But the fact that I haven't really done much is pretty pathetic huh? But I'm luck to have found someone who want's and likes to do these things. I can't wait!

I am about to embark on my first journey to Glamis. Now for those of you who have no idea what Glamis or where Glamis is, it's in the desert near the border of Mexico. A land of Sand and no showers for an entire weekend. Well, that's only half true. J. (my boyfriend) said that we only have enough water or water pressure (or something like that I can't really remember at the moment) to take a shower one of the nights we are going to be there. OK now look at me! Do I look like the type that would go a day without a shower. ESPECAILLY after being in dirt all day. This is going to suck! Now I can handle getting dirty. But I can't handle being dirty in bed. YUCK! Who can do that? Guys I can somewhat understand, but girls?? No. Now don't get me wrong, I am totally looking forward to the trip. J. taught me how to ride a quad last weekend, so I get to test my newly found quad riding skills. I know that I'll have a lot of fun. Just not excited about sleeping dirty.


I'm on a diet. Somehow I gained about 10 pounds during the holidays so now I have to get rid of all this extra fat. This really sucks. I'm 5' 0" and weigh 130. That is fat. Luckily I can still squeeze into some of my clothes but most of them look like shit on me. It's soooooo easy to gain the weight, but I find it extremely hard to lose it. I have totally changed my eating habits. Everything I put into my body is low fat, and low cal. I am now snacking throughout the day too. I never used to snack really. But because I'm eating smaller portions, I have to snack. What am I snacking on? Banana’s, Oranges and Apples. Oh! I did buy some of those Snackwell's Devil's Foodcake Cookies that are only 50 calories and 0 Fat per cookie. So what else am I doing to lose weight? I get my ass on the treadmill. I'm starting at a mile a day. Which is better than what I used to do. I get easily discouraged though. I expect to lose about 2 pounds a week. So far I haven't seen ANY results and I'm on my second week. I did totally blow it this past weekend though. But I figured it was OK to do on Sunday since we were at the Calico Ghost Town and I was walking and climbing all day. But I think my body didn't really like the McDonalds Filet o Fish, Cheeseburger, Fries and Coke that I had. Nor did it really like the Ice Cream that I ate earlier in the day either. Man I was taking a step forward and two steps back. I feel as though I totally undid all the good I did throughout the week. So now I'm starting over. This week, I haven't cheated ONCE! I'm on my 4th day of seriously dieting. If I just make it through tomorrow, I'll feel good. And hopefully, I'd of lost a pound.


It happened again! I got out of the shower this morning and hung my towel on the hook. It fell off. So I picked it up and put it back on. Then I proceeded to put on my make up, do my hair, etc. My boyfriend walks in and notices the towel on the floor. He says to me, "Baby, you need to fold the edge of the towel in like this and then hang it up. Otherwise it's going to fall off." Apparantly, I don't know how to hang up a freaking towel on the hook. It's not like I haven't been practically living at his house the past month, and this was the only time the stupid freaking towel hasn't stayed on the hook. But I don't know how to hang up a towel. Maybe I just took it the wrong way.


I am a featherbrain at times. I know we all have our senior moments, but I seem to have them almost daily. I get very easily distracted and totally forget about whatever else it is that I'm supposed to be concentrating on at the moment. Here's a perfect example: Friday it was extremely important that my bosses computer be shipped out to our corporate office and arrive on Monday (which is today). I called for a 3:30 pickup at about 12:30. The guy I spoke with told me that someone would be here between 3:30 and 5 to pick up my package. Well, I also really needed to get out the newsletter on Friday since there was some timely information on the newsletter. So at about 4:30, PIP printing delivers my newsletter. I called Public Safety immediately to distribute the newsletter for me. They happened to be understaffed at the time and they weren't sure if they would be able to get it delivered that night. So, I decided that I was going to haul some major ass and do it myself. Well, I got totally distracted with the newsletter that I competely forgot that UPS was coming to pick up my bosses computer. I got back into the office at around 5:10 and went home, not realizing that the computer is still there.

I arrived at work 45 minutes late this morning, turned on my computer, checked my Yahoo Email, checked my events calendar, then I realized something. The freaking computer is still here! SHITTTTTTTT! It was supposed to arrive today in Chicago so our computer guy can fix it! Then he was going to ship the computer back this afternoon so my boss has it by tomorrow. Only giving her one day without her computer. NOW, she's going to be without it for 3 days! Guess what that means??? She's going to be all into my business for the next three days because she has nothing else to do. I think I'm going to suddenly become ill.


Being late causes me a great deal of stress. So why the hell can't I get my ass out of bed when I need to? Today was pretty important that I be at work on time. We got a new gift certificate machine and training started at 8:30 am today. Now, I don't usually do anthing with our gift certificates but my boss wanted me to learn it as a back up just in case something were to go wrong and nobody in Customer Service knew how to work it.
So as usual, I woke up late and took extra long in the shower without any regard for the time. I don't do this on purpose, I just haven't woken fully up yet. Because I took extra long in the shower, I got my daughter up late. Luckily she takes her showers at night. But her hair is usually a nightmare in the morning. She gets an extreme case of bed head. She has very long hair and not only does it get all tangeled, it gets bumps and creases in it. There are only a few solutions to fixing this. 1. Have her take a shower in the morning and she will have beautiful freshly blow dried hair. 2. Douse her hair with water, brush it out and blow dry it. 3. Braid it. Unfortunately, all of these things take a long time to do. And I don't have time to make her hair look the way I want it to. So I usually opt for braiding it at night and curling her bangs in the morning. It doesn't look GREAT, but it looks better than the mess we usually start with. I think it's time for her to learn how to do her own hair. She is 9 after all.

The clock is approaching 8:00 am, I still have to get my son dressed and take him to his dad's house then take my daughter to school. My daughter doesn't go to school in the town I live in for several reasons. The school system where I live totally sucks. Plus, my parents live around the corner from my daughters school. I work until 5 and school ends at 3:15, so it works for me that she just goes to my parents after school since my mom is home all day and is there for her when she gets out of school. Another reason why it's great is my mom has her do her homework before I pick her up. I'm already limited on the amount of time I get to spend with my kids during the week, so this works great as I'm not spending an hour (out of our already hectic evening) doing homework with my daughter. It's a 20 minute drive (15 if I drive fast and get mostly green lights) to my daughters school from where we live. It's another 20 minutes of speeding to work. I should leave my house no later than 7:45 every morning to be at work by 8:30. I'm lucky if I get out of the house by 8. I would of made it out of the house by 8, but my daughter decides that she needs to go to the bathroom right as we are leaving. Normally this is really not that big of a deal since going number 1 is pretty quick. Well, I wasn't that lucky this morning. She had to go number 2! It took her approximately 7 minutes! By the time she lugged her 50lb backpack down the stairs and got in the car, it was 8:09. I had 21 minutes to take my son to his dads, take my daughter to school and get to work. I got to work at 8:50! OOPS!


Now to continue about my habitual tardiness, being late makes me stressed out! Now you would think to avoid the stress, I would get my ass out of bed when I need to so I'm not late or stressed. Unfortunately, I absolutely LOVE the snooze button on my alarm clock. And I'm usually sleeping so good, and in such a routine to automatically slam the snooze button automatically. Therefore, I get another 10 minutes of sleep. The problem is, I don't hit the button just once. I tend to hit the button two to three times. So, now I'm 20 to 30 minutes behind. The REALLY sad part is, my alarm clock is set approximately 20 minutes fast (give or take a few), and because I KNOW this, I hit the snooze button more than I really should. It's not like I'm tricking myself into thinking that it's 6:30 when I REALLY know that it's only 6:10 and I can sleep some more. What I need is some sort of fairy to come in and trick me so I don't know that it is really on 6:10 am but THINK that it's 6:30 so I get my lazy ass out of bed early enough to get myself and my kids ready so we won't be late.

One of my MANY faults is that I'm habitually late. This can be a problem at times as I'm sure you can imagine. Especailly when you have a job. Luckily, my work is extremly leinient with my continued tardiness. There was a time where I was 10 minutes late almost every single day, but I'd still beat my boss to work. Well, those times have passed. My bosses daughter now has to be at school much earlier than before, so she now has plenty of time to get to work. Which sucks for me because now she's making me look bad!


Ok...this is my first posting. I did this to hopefully find out why I am the way I am. I am very analytical and somewhat non-byast when listening to my friends problems and helping them deal with their own issues. So why can't I do that with my own life? Well...my aquanintance Malisa posts her daily thoughts here..so I figured I'd do the same and maybe if I read what I am thinking and feeling..then maybe I can be more analytical with my own life and learn how to deal better with my own problems.

My first rule of thumb is to stop making excuses! And let me tell you...I'm really good at it. Just call me the excuse queen!

I haven't created a second rule as of just yet. I'm just wingin it.

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