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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

3/28/2003

I have just a few very close friends that I share most every thing with. And I have a great relationship with my mom and sister. My dad, I'm not so close with. He's really not much of a talker. He's always been pretty quite. But I would still say that we have a good relationship. My dad does tell me how he feels about things that are important in my life. Like my relationship with my ex-husband. I would say that my dad has had the most influence on me and LOSER staying together for so long. I really didn't want to get married because I was pregnant at the age of 18, but my parents and LOSERS parents said that it was the "right" thing to do. I wanted to wait until after the baby was born. But I know if I would of done that, we never would of been married since things happened when I was pregnant that would of been the end of our relationship if we weren't married.

Loser has always been a heavy drinker. His drink of choice is beer. Back then; he was drinking a 12 pack a night, which was very expensive for a newly married couple with a baby on the way. Loser has also always had a bad temper. I'll never forget the night (when I was pregnant) we went out with some friends to watch Monday night football. I wasn't feeling too good, so I went home early. I was always sick when I was pregnant with my daughter. Which was good in a way because I only gained 24 pounds. Anyways, I was expecting Loser to come home after the game was over. He was getting a ride from our friends. He didn't come home until 2 am. Or something like that. I just remember it was REALLY late. So of course I was mad that he was home so late, and he was totally drunk. We got into an argument and somehow ended up in the spare bedroom. This was the room where he liked to punch holes in the walls. Maybe that's why we ended up there, so he could punch a hole in the wall. That's exactly what he attempted to do, punch a hole in the wall. Well the genius punched the stud instead and dislocated the bones in his hand and ended up having to get the bones re-broke and put back into their sockets. His story to everyone was that he went out back and the dog got under his feet and he came down on his hand on the cement. Being the co-dependant that I am, I went along with that story for years. This was just one of the major blow up's we had during the beginning of our marriage. I'm fortunate that he punched the walls instead of me.

I remember crying to my dad on several occasions after that saying that I couldn't handle it and I wasn't happy in my relationship. When Loser and I lived in Bakersfield, that was probably a few of the worst years in our marriage. Loser had only been working in construction for about a year. He got hurt on the job and was on workers-comp. While hurt and at home, he drank a lot! And he was at the bar A LOT! Instead of being at home with my daughter and me. One night he was so drunk, he got lost on his way home and got a DUI and MY car impounded for 30 days. Luckily there is a really great bus system in Bakersfield, so I had to take the bus to work for that month. I remember being really un-happy living in Bakersfield. I had my Grandparents there and an Aunt. I also had friends from work that I would go out with. But my family wasn't there. Plus things were really bad between Loser and I. I called my parents up one night crying, and told them about everything that was happening and how I wanted to come home and leave Loser. Of course my parents wouldn't turn me away so they agreed to help me. Then my dad said that I really needed to work things out with my husband and suggested that he come live with us, and LOSER could work for my dad.

We moved in with my parents, and I transferred my job to San Bernardino. We ended up living with my parents for 2 years!

Story to continue later......

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