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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

4/02/2003

I think I finally figured out why I'm getting fatter. It's the pill. It's messing with my hormones and slowing down my metabloism therefore, making everything I eat, stick to my hips, stomach and thighs. The only good thing about me getting fat is that my boobs are big! I mean, they are falling out of my bra. I was an A cup six months ago. J. thinks that I'm almost a full C cup now. The last time I've had boobs this big I was either pregnant or breastfeeding. I refuse to buy new bras and I refuse to buy bigger clothes because that means that I'm comfortable with getting bigger. I sure as hell am NOT! I take off my clothes and look in the mirror and I'm disgusted with myself. I HATE the way my body looks. Granted that I've never really been thrilled with my body, but I've always looked good in clothes. And I looked decent in a bathing suit.

Spring is upon us, and J. is about to buy a new(er) boat and I look like shit. I am just going to have to go on some sort of starvation diet. I know these kind of diets are totally unhealty, but eating fruits, vegetables, low cal, low fat food and running on the treadmill just doesn't seem to do the trick. Ok I'm not 100% honest. I have cheated on my diet. I can't help it. I have the worst will power and self control when it comes to foods that I love. Yes, yesterday I had a chocolate dipped ice cream cone from Dairy Queen. I guess I should just quit my bitchen.

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