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You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.


Drunk Stories Are Always The Best Aren't They?

It's been a while since I've told a funny story so I think it's about time. But shit I've got writers block. I know there is probably a hundred funny stories from my life to tell you about. Especially from someone who's been drunk as many times as I have. There's got to be some memory locked far away in my brain of one of my embarrassing or outrageous drunk moments. So why can't I think of any? Maybe it's because I was so drunk, I don't remember. Or only have partial memory.

OH I know! I had a request for the story about when I gave my hair dryer a blow job from Indigo Steve. I think I'll tell that one.

Ok...I was 17 at the Bon Ton truck run in Bakersfield. What the hell is a truck run? I used to hang out with a Mini Truck Club. It was basically a bunch of guys who fixed up their trucks. Lowered them, got cool paint jobs, bumpin stereos, etc. Anything they could do to customize their truck, they spent all their extra money on. So we would go once a month to a truck run. Which is a car show/party usually held at a fair ground or regional park over a weekend starting on Friday night.

I always went with a girlfriend who's parents would say they were chaperoning, but never came with us. And my boyfriend was a member of the Truck Club. I swear, my parents were so naive and trusting. The fools! All I did was get drunk off my ass during the night and spent the day trying to get rid of my hangover so I could repeat the previous night.

Bon Ton is the truck run that I discovered Bacardi 151. This is what I remember of one of the nights (which isn't much). Then I will tell you what I was told I did. (Some of it hard to believe). I remember the Mom of the President of the Truck Club would always come and party with us. She made us dinner one night. Steak! Well, I proceeded to wash it down with 4 wine coolers. Now, me being a novice drinker at the time, 4 wine coolers in about an hour and a half was a lot. For some reason I got sick. I remember sitting on the grass and puking between my legs and it ran down to my crotch. I think my cousin was there with me and helped me to the shower and got me cleaned up and changed. After that, I felt much better and was ready to party some more.

My cousin and I decided to take a walk and check things out (I think). I remember there was a group of guys from another truck club I think she was friends with, and introduced me to them. They had Bacardi 151. I said "Hook me up!" They gave me a shot (or two) and I downed it like a pro! I decided to walk some more and I remember a monster truck with some guys contemplating on how the hell they were going to get down since they were up there getting wasted. I talked to them, but I don't remember what was said, other than they wanted me to climb up and party with them. At this point, I knew that just wasn't possible.

Some members from the Truck Club I came with found me wondering around. I'm not sure if my cousin hung back with her friends or if she was with me. But this is where I stop remembering shit! This is what I was told. And I think most of it's true. But there is one thing that I don't think could be possible. So.... I was told that they took me back to our campsite where they had a plastic kiddie pool. They put a lawn chair in the middle of the filled pool, and sat me on the chair. Then they proceeded to saran wrap me to the chair. Knowing me, I fought like a crazy woman and from all my thrashing around, tipped over in the pool. Now, I'm not sure if this was before or after they tried to saran wrap me to a pole. But I was making a lot of noise in protest.

The saran wrapping the drunkest person in our group is a tradition. And some one always gets saran wrapped each night of a truck run. Unfortunately, it was my turn this night. Well, after tipping over in the pool, they unwrapped me and let me go. I somehow found my hair dryer (yes this is where the hair dryer b.j. comes in) and dried my hair. I just remember waking up in the morning, hung over and dehydrated as hell and I was really annoyed by some chick who kept laughing. I think she was stoned because she never stopped. That day I was told that I was sucking on my hair dryer the night before. Which I didn't think was possible because I would of burned my mouth on the hot metal. They had a few people in on it I think, to confirm what I was told. But I don't believe them.


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