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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

7/15/2003

Fighting Nicely

Ok, so I’m gonna do, what I wanna do, despite the great and probably wise advise posted by my readers. I have to be kicked in the head several times before I leave I guess. Because I’m like this, it’s what kept me with my ex for 9 long years. When I love somebody, I tend to listen to my heart despite what my head is telling me to do. If Jerry never said the words “I love you, I don’t want you to leave, I’ll do anything it takes to save our relationship” then I’d probably be living with my parents right now. What can I say, I’m a sucker. Plus, it’s not ALL his fault. I am an instigator and I have a temper. If I don’t like the tone in his voice or even the words he’s choosing when he’s asking me something, I snap back with a smart ass comment. I’m not saying I’m totally to blame, but I am taking some responsibility for it.

Our plan is to spend an hour together every night and read a chapter or two from some relationship self-help book, or listen to a relationship self-help tape or watch some relationship self-help video plus find a church that we both like and start going on a regular basis. If he’s willing to do all this, then so am I.

We really have a lot in common and when we’re getting along, we really get along well. But when we fight, we really get into it. And as soon as he starts with the name calling (I don’t name call) it totally escalates things because now my feelings are hurt and I show that hurt with more anger. He knows how much I hate the name-calling and it really pushes my buttons. In the heat of the moment, I think that’s exactly what he intends to do, is push my buttons. Then I do it back.

One of my biggest problems is I can’t stop until what I have to say is being heard. Usually in a very loud voice. But damn it, I’m going to make sure what I have to say has been said. Obviously, we both have some issues. I don’t know if the self-help stuff is going to work. But we love each other enough to at least try it out. I really don’t think it will hurt anything and I’m hoping it will help us disagree nicely other than with harsh words.

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