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You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.


Get A Room!

I have so much to talk about from my weekend. But I’ll save that for tomorrow since I promised you this one:

I’ve been known (on several occasions) to frequent Karaoke bars. And it’s most fun when you have a large crowd with you to cheer you on. There was this one occasion a few years ago, when we had a girl’s night out. There were probably 8 of us in our group including my sister and me. We got to the bar early enough to get a table big enough to seat all of us. Then later, my parents showed up. We were all pretty lit by then, so it didn’t really matter that my parents were there.

Now let me tell you about this bar. It’s in Yucaipa, and the only bars in Yucaipa are pretty much white trash bars. Since we all had our front teeth and our clothes weren’t stained, we were by far, the best looking girls in the place, which pissed off all the other girls who were probably excellent giving bj’s without biting. We had so much fun singing that night and the more beer we drank, the better worse we sounded. None of us really gave a shit, since we were having so much fun.

Then came time for our KJ (That’s Karaoke Jockey) to take a break. He put on some dance music for us while he went in the back and smoked a bowl or shot up some heroine (that's a joke btw, he was probabaly doing Meth instead, because we all know if you've been following my blog that the 909 is the METH capital of the world). During this intermission, there was a very lovely couple, who were probably destined for each other. My theory on their background is they come from a family of neglect, drugs and alcohol. My guess is that they grew up in the same trailer park, which had 15 foot long aluminum trailers parked on a lot of dirt and shit. Therefore, were never taught about things that were inappropriate to do in public. Their family’s only dentist was Mrs. String and Mr. Door Knob.

A slow song came on and this beautiful couple decides to dance. The dance floor in this place is about 15’ wide x 25’ long. It’s very small and our table had a front row view of their show. They were making out very heavily while they were dancing. White Trash Girl was wearing a pair of tight jeans and White Trash Guy decides to be very open about unzipping her pants and rapidly working his hand down them. Now she’s grabbing him and is about to pay back the favor. We’re sitting there about to hurl every ounce of beer we just drank, plus our parents are sitting right there.

The guys sitting at the table next to us are equally disgusted about our new show that was suddenly playing on the dance floor and yells out “GET A ROOM”. My sister joins in and also starts yelling “GET A ROOM, GET A ROOM”. Our lovely White Trash Guy turns around and sees my dad, who is sitting against the wall across the table from him, and the guy leans over the table and try’s to take a swing of at my dad! Now, if you’ve ever seen my dad, he looks more like Dilbert than a biker dude, anyone can tell that my dad is NO threat what-so-ever. He’s about the most laid back dude you’ll ever meet. And he certainly isn’t into bar fights.

At the same time White Trash Guy is going for my dad, White Trash Chick is going for my sister. You don’t wanna fuck with my sister. Because not only is she very capable of defending herself, she had a lot of BACKUP! I’m not saying that my dad didn’t, but he was the only guy in our group, so it would have been a bunch of chicks on White Trash Guy and his White Trash Girlfriend. Luckily the guys next to us, grabbed the dude and threw him outside before he got a swing in at my dad. The chick was grabbed just as quickly.

I’m so glad that guy didn’t touch my dad. I can only imagine what kind of disease would of festered from where that guy’s hand was just at, and then would have been transferred to my dad’s face if the guy had been able to hit him.


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