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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

8/07/2003

I’m a Sucker for Love

A few days have passed and I’ve cooled down from what happened, so now I’m more willing to listen with an open heart. Like I’ve said before, I forgive easily. Especially when a man is crying and begging for my forgiveness for several days. I truly thought I was done with him. But Jerry said all the right things. And what mattered most to me was his sincerity and the fact that he wanted to come and talk with my parents about the situation.

After I got home last night, I called him and told him just to come over since my dad had just got home from work. Then I told my parents that Jerry was on his way over and that he’d like an opportunity to explain his side of the story. Then my mom said to me “You’re thinking about getting back together with him aren’t you?” And I responded, “Yes, I am. I love him and there’s more to the story that he needs to explain to you”. My parents didn’t know about his felony. I really think that is a major factor that they should know about and it would explain why he left me.

My mom said that she didn’t care what his excuse was, I’m her daughter and there is no reason for him to leave me stranded like that. Which is a point that I understand, but the reality of it is, he would of gone to jail with any kind of police contact. He would of lost his home, his truck, his boat, and most importantly (these are his words) me and the kids.

If you’re wondering what he got arrested for, Jerry was caught with a modified assault rifle. He modified the clip so that it would take more rounds which is a HUGE no-no in the state of California and is a felony. So any kind of negative police contact would get back to his probation officer and he would go to jail for more than a year.

My dad is always level headed and told my mom that he wouldn’t mind hearing Jerry’s side of the story. But my mom was really adamant about not seeing or hearing what Jerry had to say. I could see how strongly my mom felt about it, so I called Jerry and told him that he should just turn around, my mom doesn’t want to hear his side of the story and I can’t be with someone that my parents don’t like or approve of. Jerry started crying and saying “It’s just a big mistake, it should never of happened that way, PLEASE just let me come over and explain to them my side, I know they would understand. Please don’t do this to me baby, I LOVE YOU!”

At this time I was feeling pulled in two different directions. But I know Jerry and I have issues and I want to do what my parents think is best for me. So I told him, “Just don’t come over. Please go home”. Well, Jerry was right around the corner, and didn’t go home. He came over and knocked on the door. I told my parents that I called him to tell him to turn around and go home, but obviously, he didn’t. My dad answered the door and told Jerry to give us 10 minutes because we were just about to eat dinner. After we ate, my dad got Jerry and brought him into the living room. I could tell Jerry had been crying. His eyes were all red and glossy.

So Jerry explained his side of the story to my parents, he explained about the felony, why he had to leave and the fact that he waited for my call, etc. He was very genuine and sincere. He was crying and telling my parents how much he loves me and the kids and how he doesn’t want them to come home to see what had happened. He wants to make the house just like it was when they left because this will be devastating to them.

My parents explained their concerns for his temper and how the verbal abuse is hurting me. My dad explained how Jerry needs to make me a priority. That the little things he gets upset about are petty compared to the damage it’s causing to our relationship. Jerry agreed to everything my parents had to say.
We agreed to meet with my parents once a month to fill them in with how things are going. They are going to be our relationship councilors. Hell, they’ve been married for 30 years, so they know how it’s done. Granted they aren’t the perfect couple. They aren’t as affectionate as I like to be, but they do love each other and I can only remember one time my mom laid into my dad. One time in the 29 years of my life can I remember them fighting. That’s pretty damn good.

Like I said, I’m a total sucker for someone I love. I may not put up with their shit at the time, but sincere apologies mean everything to me. I should know better than to fall for it, but when my hearts involved I tend to not pay any attention to what my brain is telling me.

I want somebody in my life, for the rest of my life. And I know that I only want to be with one person. As long as whomever I’m with makes me happy, I will make him happy. That goes both ways. Last night he told my parents that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. He poured his heart out and I know he meant every single word. Either that or he’s just a good actor. But I believe with every ounce of me that he is sincere. If you were there, I’m sure you would of fell for it too, it was that good.

My sister let him know that it was important for her to have some “sister” time with me. So Jerry’s response was, “You can come over any time you want and hang out with us.” He didn’t seem to get it. So I explained to him that we need “Alone Sister Time”. So we agreed that every other month or so, and on a weekend when we had the kids, I would get to go out with my sister and friends without him. And he would stay home and entertain the kids. He didn’t want to do it when the kids weren’t with us, that way he had company. Hearing him say that totally warmed my heart. This man has grown to love my kids! And hearing him say it means the world to me.

Some of you may think I’m stupid for going back. That may be true, but like my parents said, they will only be confident in our relationship when we prove to them that we have worked on things and we’re not fighting about petty things anymore. Jerry and I have so much in common, and we love each other so much, it’s going to be hard to throw it all away over a huge misunderstanding and miscommunications. And he’s not totally to blame, I did have a lot of fault in the situation.

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