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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

10/08/2003

THE SAGA CONTINUES

Fuck Head called me yesterday to try and get as much info out of me as possible. I wouldn’t tell him shit. I told him that if he was so worried about what was going on then he should of showed up for court. And that it’s not my fault he didn’t show up to defend himself. Then he proceeds to tell me that he’s going to tell my daughter that I’m going to take him away from her and that she’s going to hate me for it. I’ve been suspecting that he’s filling her head with all kinds of bullshit and this just confirms it. He’s totally brainwashing her and he’s going to really screw her up mentally.

I’ve been very concerned about what to do about this because if I do take the kids away from him, then that will just confirm what he’s been telling them. I was talking with Max (one of my co-workers) about it and he told me to tell her that I’m not taking them away from their dad and the ONLY way that that would happen is if HE didn’t want to see them. But she’s always allowed to call him and he’s always allowed to visit them and I would NEVER take them away from their daddy. Which is true. Unless the bastard goes to jail or something.

So I came up with a plan. Spencer’s is selling a Penis Halloween Costume. It’s HYSTERICAL and totally worth the $40. So my plan is to buy it, and send it to Fuck Head with a note that says “I found the PERFECT costume for you. But I think it fits you all year”. That would be so kick ass. And if he ever brought it up in court, could you imagine? I’m sure the entire court would be cracking up! I know I would be.

This morning I went to the courthouse because they said the minutes were ready from yesterday. Well, what they didn’t tell me was that I needed to wait for the court order to be ready as well. So I have to go back for the court order, which really pisses me off since I called yesterday and they made it sound like everything I needed was ready. I drove 40 minutes to the courthouse this morning and when I got there, they only had the minutes ready, but said that the court order wasn’t ready and that I’ll have to call back to find out if they are ready too. So it was a wasted trip since I can’t do anything with the court minutes until I get the court order. I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed! I’ve been trying to call the court all flippen day and all I get is a busy signal. It’s very frustrating!

I’m so mentally exhausted from everything that’s going on with Fuck Head and Jerry, as soon as I got home yesterday, I laid down and took a nap. I slept off and on until 10 pm. I got up just in time to catch the ending of the Joe Schmo Show. I’ll have to catch up on Saturday when they play the re-runs. Then I ate a bowl of soup and went back to bed. It felt so nice just to lay on my bed with my cat and relax. Even though I do miss laying with Jerry and him holding me all night. He would hold me so tight and I would think how lucky I was to have someone who love me so much. I really miss that and I miss his support. It would be so much easier going through all of this with him by my side. Why did all that shit have to happen? Fuck it hurts so bad.

I have another appointment to see my therapist tomorrow. I’ve wanted to call him so many times this week since it’s been so emotionally overwhelming. I’ve only had one appointment so far. This will be my second and I have so much to tell him and to get off my chest. Why does life have to be so hard?

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