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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

1/09/2004

EITHER STRESS OR DEPRESSION OR BOTH

I was a complete wreck yesterday. The day just started out bad because of my habit of being late for EVERYTHING. And the thing that sucks is that my New Years Resolution is not be late to appointments or to work. Well, so far I’m 0 for 9! Damn I’m bad. So anyways, my daughter is in desperate need of some major dental work. She was afraid of my last dentist and wouldn’t let him do anything more than a cleaning. Then he wanted to put her to sleep to work on her, and the insurance wouldn’t pay for it. It would of cost me $600 just to put her out. I just don’t have that kind of money laying around. Hell, I live paycheck to paycheck. If I have $50 left over by the time I get paid again, I’m happy!

So yesterday was her first appointment with a new dentist. We arrived 15 minutes late and they wouldn’t take her in. I was so upset with myself, everything else in my life that is going wrong all came to surface. I managed to hold it together long enough to get her to school. But on my way to work, I completely lost it.

On the 15th Jerry is going to court for the last “incident” we had. I’m completely stressed over the fact that he may do time for it. He never hit me, but I looked pretty damn bad after the last fight. If he goes to jail, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel totally guilty for pressing charges against him, because I know what could happen to him, and it looks like it may happen. Things between us aren’t perfect, but they are a lot better. We’re still going to the counselor and he’s about to finish his anger management classes the end of this month. I know it’s not completely my fault for what happened, but maybe I did over react to the situation. My dad thought I did. Now, we’re going to have to pay the consequences and that fucking sucks. The only way to protect him is to incriminate myself and say that I lied because I was mad at him and I don’t know if I can do that.

On a lighter note (but not much lighter), I did make some use of the time I took off work yesterday. (Oh yah, I never did make it to work yesterday, since I was a hysterical mess). I found out where Fuck Head (my ex hubby) worked and looked the company up on the Internet so I could get an address and phone number to give to the Child Support Services. Jerry and I didn’t know if they are paying him under the table or if they have him on payroll, so I decided to play detective. I called the company and said that he applied for credit and I needed to do an employment verification on him. She was nice enough to tell me the day he started working there, and how much he makes. I couldn’t believe how little he makes, because if he were to be in the Union still, he would be making twice as much as he’s making doing the exact same thing. Just goes to show what an idiot he is. Anyhoo, I took the newly found info to Child Support Services and they will be garnishing his wages soon. He’s only given me one payment, and he’s almost 30 days late with the December payment.

I’m feeling better today. I got over my “Whoa is me” and made it to work. My best friend from Vegas is in town and I’m hoping that I get to see her before she goes home. Her mom isn’t doing very well, and she came to talk to her mom’s doctors to see what they can do to help her or to change her meds. (She’s mentally unstable at the moment).

Hope all is well with you all, and thanks for still coming by my blog to check on me once in a while. I know I haven’t been updating like I used to, but I guess I just got lazy.

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