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You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.



Chickenshit is my new name for the boy I posted previously about. And if you're not up to speed about the boy, then you need to scroll down and catch up!

I get this IM from today that basically said he got scared thinking that I wanted a relationship and that it was checked shit of him to treat me that way, because I deserve better than that. But he didn't know how to bring it up.

I responded with: Obviously you don't know me very well. The LAST thing I need to do right now is to jump into another relationship. I thought u were a cool guy. And I enjoyed your company. Yes it was VERY chicken shit of you to do that to me. If you would of been up front with me, you might still have a booty call..now I'm going to have to think about it. You just don't know how cool of a chick I really am. ; )
I was upfront with him from the beginning. I told him that I didn't want a relationship. He asked me on our first date what I was looking for. I told him right then that I wasn't ready to jump into anything, but for now, basically someone to hang out and be friends with. That ultimately I want what I think everybody wants. The house with the white picket fence, a husband, kids plaing in the yard with the dog. And of course I want TOYS! Lot's and lot's of toys! I want a Boat, Quads, Sand Rail, trailer (so we can be trailer trash), a 4x4 golf cart with a kick ass stereo, Big gas guzzling truck, etc. That's what I want! And I'm going to get it!

Ok, maybe I didn't get that detailed. And I know Chickenshit can't afford me. But hell, I didn't want to get married to the guy. I just want someone to take me out, buy me dinner, drinks, and have sex with me. Is that too much to ask?



The "boy" that I was seeing, stopped calling, stopped texting me and stopped sending me IM's. I had fun with this boy. I enjoyed the attention that he showered me with, because I'll be the first to admit that I'm an attention whore. I absolutely LOVE it! As long as I like the person giving the attention. So yes, he stopped calling. And yes,  I slept with him. Hey! A girl has her needs. And I enjoyed it!

Things were going so well. Then the text messaging slowed down, the IM's started getting fewer and fewer and so did the phone calls. By Saturday, they completely stopped. I had text messaged him a few times, with no response. Yesterday, I was feeling totally burned. Today, I was pissed.

My text messages basically said something that I don't understand what was going on, and that he at least needs to tell me SOMETHING! It's really shitty for him just to blow me off like that.  I could understand if we never met, but we MORE than met! So today I finally get a response: I'm sorry I just can't handle a relationship of any sort. I at lease owe you that and don't think it was you because it's all me and I'm sorry April. I started feeling extremely guilty because I am still in love with someone else.
I swear this is the story of my freaking life! This happened two years ago with this guy I was dating. Everything was going AWESOME! We got along great! We dated a little over a month. Then one day, he takes me up to the mountains. We planned on getting a cabin with a jacuzzi in the room, only the couple that got there 5 minutes before us got that room. So we got the next best room. Then he takes me up to a nice dinner, and during dinner he springs on me that he's still in love with his ex-girlfriend and that she works for him and he sees her everyday.

What the fuck is that???? I cried. I was really falling for this guy.

So this new boy, at least he tells me two weeks into it, instead of waiting a month. Still, it's fucked up.

With the other guy, we remained friends for the past two years. When I was with Jerry, I never saw him, but I talked to him all the time. We'd keep tabs on each other. I respected his honesty with me and he respected the fact that I didn't pour my drink over his head after he told me.

Jeff (that's the guy), has since broke up with his ex-gf but he's still in love with her. We call her Bachel because her real name is Rachel but she' s such a bitch. Actually, I think I should just call her "Money grubbing whore" because that's what she really is. So, Jeff is still in love with Bachel, and the new boy is still in love with his ex-gf. I really need to stop meeting guys online.


Lost Links

I'd like to apologize to everyone who's links I used to have on my blog, but is now lost. I'm sure one day I'll get around to getting them back up. I'm just happy the right side is now up on top, instead of being way at the bottom. I'm guessing it just fixed it's self, because I know I sure the hell didn't do it. So, please email me your link, so I can put it back up!

And Jim, I'd love to makeout with you too. Hell, I've been dreaming about it ever since you posted pics of your 6 pack on your blog. Damn that's sexy! Only I'm afraid that I'd make out more with your abs, than your mouth! Is that wrong?

I love and hate being single. I love the freedom to do what I want, when I want and not have to answer to anyone buy myself. I love hanging out with my friends and making new ones. But I also miss having someone to come home too, someone to share my day with and to just listen to me. Yes, I'm staying with my parents for now, but I would feel weird asking to be held after a hard day.  It's not the same.

I also miss the sex. I love sleeping naked and feeling the person I love next to me and just doing it because we're naked and horny and because we love each other.

Now for my weekend recap:

Friday night, went out with the girls to the local and way too popular "Margarita Beach". It used to be called "Margaritaville" , but I think Jimmy Buffet sued them and they had to change their name. I'm serious about that too, it's not bull shit.

We danced our asses off and drank a bunch of beer and had watermelon shooters. Ended up having breakfast at IHOP and got home at 3:30 am.

That morning, (since I got home at 3:30 am) I got up and cleaned the house for my mom. She was having an appraiser come out at 1 pm and wanted the house looking nice. So I did more than my fair share, and left at noon to go look at a house for my cousin. She buys houses, fixes them up then sells them. She lives in LA and wants to buy a house in Beaumont, since the area is growing like crazy! If she buys the house, the kids, my sister and me will all live in it.

The house she had me looking at is has a lot of good qualities and some bad. The best part of the house is the pool. They just built this Olympic sized pool last September. The pool is bitchen! Then the yard is the next best thing. The front is nicely landscaped and the back has a HUGE play area for the kids, which will stay.  The house it's self is just OK. It's decent sized, but the kitchen sucks! It's very small and enclosed. I like an open kitchen and this kitchen needs to be destroyed! Anyways, I told my cousin all about it, and she might bid on it. We'd have to remodel the kitchen, that's for sure.

Sunday, I took my daughter to visit her dad in jail. I kind of got stuck doing it. What happened was, my (ex) mother-in-law wanted to take the kids on Saturday, but I had too much going on, so I told her Sunday would be best.  They only allow one adult with one child at a time. So I told her that I'd take one of the kids, then she could take the other. She called Sunday morning and they only let the inmate have one visitor per day. She found that out after she had already given them my name and drivers license number.

I took my daughter with me and had to explain to my son why he couldn't go this time, but he'll go next. We arrived late, which was a good thing, because we didn't have to wait in line. Fuckhead was waiting for us and was surprised to see me. I let him chat with Bre first. When she ran out of things to say, I talked with him. He fed me the same old bull shit as normal. Such as, he'll be able to give me all the child support he ows me when he gets out and that he's got everything taken care of. I basically told him that I'll believe it when I see it. He also told me how beautiful I am, blah, blah, blah. Hell, I made sure I looked hot! That way he could see what a good thing he fucked up!



Jam Packed Weekend

Hey Everyone! I was sooooo busy this past weekend it wasn't even funny! However, it was fun! I'll start with Saturday:
I worked for my friend after all. She called me Friday and said everything was a GO. Apparently there was a Celebrity sighting at the mall on Saturday, since there were people running out of the mall to catch a glimpse of Method Man. He was in town (across the street from the mall) doing a concert that night.  After I was done working, Claudia paid me with a TON of perfume that I will be selling on Ebay.
That night I had a date with the new boy. He's 6' 4", blonde hair, blue eyes, goatee. Very cute. And very sweet. A total gentleman. He asked me what I haven't had to eat in a while, and after a minute of thinking about it, I realized it's been over a year since I've had any sushi. He's never had sushi before, so it would be a new experience for him. Plus it was a test, to see how adventerous he was. I love people who are like myself, and try new things and are adventerous.  We started out with California Rolls...as the Sushi Bar Tender called it..... "White Girl Sushi". Then we had a vegatarian wrap that was to die for. My boy ordered that one. Then we had some Kamakazi Sushi. It was supposed to be spicy, but I didn't think it was all that hot. The wasabi that I added is what made it hot. I'm telling you, that shit will clean out your sinuses.

After that I dragged the boy to Guadalaharry's cuz it was Karaoke night. He told me he won't sing, but he'll watch. He was impressed with my version of Blondies "One Way or Another" (which I do very well, by the way), then I sang "The Pussycat Song" which made me the coolest chick in the bar by singing about a Hot, Wet, Bald, Sore, Free pussy! Oh, how I love that song. Karaoke was done at 12, so we went to Margarita Beach and danced to a few songs. Then I got up on the platform and danced for him. He liked the way I dance to "Slap My Bitch Up" by Prodigy cuz baby, I go OFF!!!!

Since I had a few too many, and it wasn't really a good idea for me to drive home, I crashed at his place. He was such a gentleman, he didn't even make a move. I was impressed. He woke up early, and I finally rolled out of bed at 9:30 with a nasty hangover. I laid on the couch and started to watch a movie with him (which he was already into), then I fell asleep again. Most of the day, I slept. So finally, I went home, showered and came back and we went to play miniature golf. It's been YEARS since either one of us had played the sport. But we were both down for some friendly competition. I won by 2 strokes.

Anyways, I finally went home sometime that night. I had a lot of fun with him. He's really nice and funny. I'm not ready for anything though. I'm just having fun!


I Need Help!

So as you can see, I have a new template. Only, I'm not that advanced in HTML to do any editing. I can do the basics such as font, links, pictures, etc. But I was checking out the code for this template and I just know that I'd screw up the entire format. All I want to do is to move my profile, and archives to the top of the right table. So if anybody can help me with it, I'd be much appreciative!

In other news: Things are going very well for me. I've been keeping my time occupied with my friends and a boy I met. (By the way, I think you're pretty special too). We haven't really gone out on a real date, just lunch and then tennis. But he showers me with attention, which I eat up! It's nice to get attention from someone you want attention from. It's not cool, if you don't like the person. Anyways, we've been talking for almost a week now and we have a lot in common.

My plans for the river look like they might of got all screwed up. I got invited to go to Havasu with my sister and her best friend and their family. I really need to get my ski on! So I turned them down, because I was offered to work a side gig for this Saturday. I figured I could use the money more than I need to spend it! I'm trying to do the responsible thing here! Well, my hook-up from the store I was going to work at came to see me on Saturday and said she didn't know if they would allow me to work, since they have a new store manager and I don't work for the company. Bummer!


Moving On

I'm feeling much better from the last post. I had a great weekend, and my time was mostly occupied with social events. Friday night, I took my kids to see the local baseball team play. My friend Rosa and sister joined us. Nothing is better than FREE entertainment. I had free tickets, hot dogs and sodas for all of us. Although I did buy a couple beers, and some nachos for the kids plus I paid for parking. But I spent less than $20, so it was a really cheap night. We had a great time, and I got double dog dared to go flirt with the players of our team. Which I was totally comfortable doing since I had some of them come to the mall a few weeks ago, for a promotion we were doing. The ones that came, all remembered me ;-)

There's a Mom "click" within my neighborhood. There are several families who all hangout together and barbeque, watch movies and do all kinds of family type stuff. Well, my kids play with their kids and have for a few years now. But I've never formally met any of the parents, because I always just go to my mom's and pick up the kids and go home. Now that we're living there, there is no reason why I shouldn't befriend the other moms.

I got a call from my daughter, who was at her friends’ house up the street, she said they were having a neighborhood movie in front of one of the neighbors’ houses and asked if we could go. I hadn't been invited by any of the parents, so I said, not until I get an invitation from one of the adults. Next thing you know, one of the dad's was calling me telling me to come. So I accepted. It was fun. They had a screen projector, with speakers set up in their drive way and we watched Shrek in front of their house.

I got an invitation by the guy across the street to come over and play pool and drink some margaritas, as I was coming home in the middle of the movie to get sweaters. I told him I'll be over later.

After the movie was over, I chatted some with the moms and my daughter went to spend the night at her friends’ house. So I took my son home, put him to bed then went across the street. We had a great time! It started out with us drinking, but then he pulled out a fatty and we laughed our asses off until about 2:30 in the morning.

I've got the coolest neighbors!



I think the worst possible hurt, is losing someone you love. It really sucks bad. Weather it's by death or by break-up. I've tried to be strong, but seeing the person you love so much, and knowing you can't be together, walking into the house you shared, and taking out your belongings, really, really, really sucks! It would be so much easier If I didn't love him. But the problem is, I do. Very much. I know it's going to take time. A LOT OF TIME!

Part of me want's to think, what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I make my relationships work? But then I slap myself and realize, it's NOT ME! WEll, some of it is, but the majority of it is the guys I end up with. Is there a decent guy out there who likes and want's the things I do? As far as I'm concerned, I'm a great catch!


So What's Been Going On With Me???

Well..... I know it's been like 2 months since my last post, but I promised Jerry that I wouldn't post anymore, and I did pretty good upholding my word. But I'm single now, and fuck it! I'm posting again!!!

That's right! Jerry and I broke up AGAIN!!!! No, I'm not going back, yes, it happened again, only worse this time. I came to realize that anger management nor counceling could help this man with his anger problems and after it happend again, it was time to bail!

The good thing is, I'm ok, my kids are ok and I have my familys support. I have to start all over again, which sucks. But I'll make it!