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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

6/29/2005

VH 1 JUNKIE

I am a self admitted VH1 Junkie. I just can’t get enough of their awesome programming. It’s almost an illness how addicted to VH1 I am. If you aren’t familiar with their shows, I’m sorry to say, but you are missing out. It probably doesn’t help my case that I am also a reality show junkie and VH1 has THE ABSOLUTELY BEST reality shows ever made. Strip Search, Kept, and of course The Surreal Life. I also LOVE all the “I love the 80’s”, “I love the 90’s” shows, and now they have “I Married ….. (Insert a Famous Rock Star Name Here). Today at lunch I watched “I Married Sebastian Bock”. Who knew the guy was married throughout his entire career, and had a baby right when Skid Row made it big?

I am also addicted to all the other Reality TV Shows playing, which some of them I am embarrassed to admit that I actually watch Dancing With The Stars and Hit Me Baby One More Time. Yes, my evenings are wasted away by reality TV. Time to go TIVO the next episode of The Average Joe, before I forget. What the hell, I’ll just set it up for a Season Pass.

6/28/2005

IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD

There’s a million things I could right about.

Unimportant stuff such as how my nails are killing me because I didn’t get them filled in time and most of them are breaking, however, I can’t find my nail clippers to take the remaining ones off, and one is ripping off my skin underneath my nail.

OR

Very important stuff like how incredible David is and how excited I am about our life together and our future and I can’t wait for my ring. That reminds me, I need to remind him to call his Diamond Broker, to see if he’s back yet. I want my ring damn it! Only, it’s supposed to be a surprise. I swear I’ll be pissed if he brings the ring home and hands it to me. I’d have to say, “If that’s how your proposing, take the ring back and ask me when you’ve got something better planned, such as taking me to a special place and popping the question over a romantic dinner or something”. Oh, he just better make it special. (He’s not the most romantic guy in the world, although I should give him more credit than that).

OR

Shitty stuff such as how my computer was down for most of the day yesterday, because the Power Supply went out on it, and what a fucked up Monday it was without my computer, and the printers suck!

OR

Even more shitty stuff like how I got into it with my ex-husband over the kids and told him that if he wants the privilege of being my kids dad, then he’d better step up to the plate, because he sure as hell doesn’t act like it. (BTW, still no $ from him. It’s been 1 year and 8 months since I received my first and only child support payment from him).

OR

How small of a world it is because April aka Eclectic Blonde saw Wife Beater on her job site today. She wasn’t sure it was him until she called me and asked me what company Wife Beater works for. I told her I didn’t know anymore, because he could be working with another company by now, but he runs scrapers. After I gave her that tidbit of info, she was positive it was him, since he was standing next to a scraper. I told her to make sure there are a lot of nails in the road, right in front of his tires.

NEVER ENDING PILE OF SHIT

I miss the weekends when David and I would watch movies all day and cuddle, make love, then watch another move, nap, cuddle, make love and watch another movie. Those days are long gone! Now that we are cohabitating, we have a house to take care of; the move seems endless, as we still have boxes everywhere. The boxes that are left over is filled with shit nobody seems to know what to do with, but yet, you don’t want to get rid of because you may use or need something from that box. It’s all David’s shit anyways, so it’s up to him to take care of it. I’m sure most of it will end up in the Garage.

The kid’s room was the storage room for these boxes. But now that they are somewhat moved in, the boxes had to be brought back into the dining room. The worst part of it is that it takes the atmosphere completely out of the kitchen, which happens to be my favorite room. Did I ever mention that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kitchen??? It is the most beautiful kitchen I have ever seen! Well, almost. But it will be once we’ve painted and got rid of all the boxes that we don’t know what to do with.

Let me briefly describe my kitchen. It has granite countertops, cherry wood cabinets, tile floor, stainless steel appliances, and is decorated in wine and grapes. The purple from the grapes looks fabulous with the cherry wood cabinets. I love cooking in this kitchen, although I’m not all that thrilled with the flat surface stove. I don’t really care for electric, but it’s what I have, so what can I do.?

Back onto me missing the let’s-cuddle-and-watch-movies-all-weekend.

I thought commuting would be easier for David and I when I moved in. For the most part it has, since my work is now 15 miles from home rather than 85 miles from Oceanside to San Bernaghetto. That drive was hell! But we both have obligations in different places, so sometimes we have to spend a night or two apart. Which may be good for our relationship to spend a night apart here and there.

I was supposed to take the kids back to their Nana’s (ex-husbands parents) on Sunday, but since my grandpa was out visiting, I drove me and the kids to my parent’s house Friday night. I figured it would be a good idea to call up my friends to see if they wanted to hang out Friday night, while I was out.

I arrived at my parents around 8:00, changed, fixed my makeup and hair, and was out of the house by 9. We met at this Karaoke Bar called the Blue Hawaiian. This was the best, most awesome Karaoke bar in the whole wide world! Not only did they have the main Karaoke area, they had private rooms you can rent for $20 bucks an hour!!!!! There was about 15 of us in our party, so $20 bucks an hour between all of us is cheap! (That is IF everybody pitched in).

We partied like it was 1999 for about 3 ½ hours. As the night went on, people slowly started to head out. I didn’t think about it until we had to go pay for the room and there was 5 of us left. Of course nobody said “Here’s 5 bucks for the room” on their way out. So we ended up paying for everyone, which I felt was kind of bullshit! Even if I did sing every other song, other people got to sing in between. And It wasn’t MY fault, nobody wanted to sing as much as me!

We decided we all needed some carbs with a side order of carbs before we went home, so we went to Denny’s. We were seated after about 10 minutes, then waited for our waitress for about 20 minutes. I decided to go check out why we haven’t been greeted or even had water. I was told that they were extremely busy, and someone would be with us shortly. After waiting another 5 minutes, and still no waitress, we decided to leave. We proceeded to inform everybody else who was walking in that they weren’t serving, and it would be best to go somewhere else. Let’s just say, don’t EVER not serve me, because I’ll fuck your business up! They had to have lost a good 20 customers. Which I’m sure the employees of Denny’s enjoyed the break in business.

I stayed the night with my Sister, since Grandpa had my bed at Mom & Dad’s house and the kids were sleeping on the pull out bed in the family room, and like hell if I was going to sleep on the couch in the living room, since Grandpa likes to get up at 5 in the morning and blare the TV that is in the living room. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been up since 3 am and are sleeping in that room, he’ll still do it, then play dumb about it.

After I woke up, feeling pretty good even though I drank quite a bit the night before, I went to WallyMart for some plastic pull out drawers to put more of my kids toys in, and hoping that they will use these drawers to actually keep their toys in rather than the floor. Which I don’t feel the floor is a good place to store toys, but my kids will disagree with me on that one. It’s a never-ending battle because they will tell you that it wasn’t them that made the mess. Apparently, there is an invisible Throw-Toys-On-The-Floor Monster who does it.

After filling my car up with more of the kids crap, and leaving my kids in the care of my sister (thought I’d throw that part in, so you didn’t think I just abandoned them) I drove to The OC to pick up David. He had to work with his friend to install a Jet Ski motor (David used to own a shop with him, and was a professional Jet Ski Mechanic). Now I’ve only been to the shop once, a few months ago, so I didn’t exactly remember how to get there. I figured that David would call me or I would get a hold of him while I was on my way. I called him after I left, and got voice mail. Once I got on the 57 (at least I think it’s the 57) I called him again, knowing that I would be there in about 20 minutes. David never called me back (which is not like him) so I figured his phone must be dead.

I got off the freeway, taking the exit I thought was correct. I remembered there being a 711 on the same corner of the shop. But when I passed 711, I realized that wasn’t the same 711, because the location didn’t look right. I thought it was further up from the freeway. Now I’m starting to get pissed because David hasn’t called me back yet, he knows that I’ve only been to the shop once and I’m supposed to pick him up at 6 and it’s only a few minutes from 6!

The exit I took was the same exit that David’s son lives off of. I found his street, pulled over (luckily I’m smarter than your average blonde) got out of my car and got the number to the shop from my license plate frame. I called the shop, Art answered, I explained that I was frustrated that David hasn’t called me and I wasn’t sure where the shop was, and I was supposed to be there to pick him up at 6. Art tried to calm me down and explain the shop was close, I just had to make a right at the next street and another right on Imperial, and they are over by Macco.

When I arrived, David was clueless that I was upset that I didn’t know how to get there or that he didn’t call. He realized that he didn’t have any service, which is why my calls went straight to voice mail. He thought I was being cool, by giving him some space all day, and not calling. After that, we went home, got some Thai food and a movie and gelled for the rest of the evening.

Sunday, David and I went to the gym with our neighbor, cleaned the house, then he had to go back to The OC for something for his real job. I made huge progress on the house and got most of the kids room straightened out and things put away, which feels good to get something accomplished and to see progress. Although, David still has the pile of shit in the dining room. That’s all HIM! Heehee

6/23/2005

WRONG NUMBER

Did I mention that I accidentally called the Wife Beater (aka Jerry) the other day? He happens to have the same first four numbers in his home phone # as my ex-in-laws, whom I was trying to call. He answered, and my first thought was, he doesn’t sound like my ex-husband, nor does he sound like my ex-father-in-law. So I took a second to say anything, because I was temporarily confused. Then he said HELLLLLOOOO, in a very dickish, assholie of a voice, then I immediately realized, I called Wife Beater! I quickly said “I’ve got the wrong number” and hung up, hoping he didn’t realize it was me.

Wife Beater had the gall to text message me on my birthday (which was back in April), saying that he hopes I have a great day and that he wishes nothing but the best for me and the kids. He actually ruined my fabulous day. The most unfortunate part of it, was that it happened early in the morning. For some reason, it really upset me. I think I was upset because I know his motives behind it. In his sick mind he probably thinks there is a glimpse of a chance that I would call him and we would work things out, because he’s miserable and can’t get a second date from any women he’s met on the internet. Why I ever gave him a second date is beyond me. We learn from our mistakes.

THE RELPACEMENT

Today, I think I finally got a taste of what The Other April must be feeling. I was hired as her replacement from her last job. On Monday I was officially “replaced” at my old job. The place where I spent the last 4 ½ years of my life. The place where I’ve made friends and have established relationships. The place that I loved working at, because of the friends and relationship that I made over the years. Hell, I worked there longer than I was in High School! Two of my best friends are from my last job.

Jenill (who is one of my best friends from my last job) emailed me today and told me that she’s already corrupting the new girl (my replacement), by taking her shopping with her during work hours. I have to say that I feel extremely jealous. Not only does the new girl have my old job, she’s getting paid more than I did (although I make more money than her now), she has the job title that I was passed over for, she gets my old desk, my computer, etc. but on top of EVERYTHING else, she gets to go shopping with Jenill. Now mind you, shopping during business hours was a totally normal, everything occurrence for Jenill and I, considering we did work in mall management.

I emailed Jenill and expressed my utter jealousy, along with the fact that I’m sure they will get their nails done together and how much that’s going to hurt. Especially now I don’t have anybody to get my nails done with, considering I work with all men. She replied and said she’ll probably take her to Costco with her too! I feel so betrayed!

This is exactly how The Other April must feel. I’ve taken over her position, and now I get to go to lunch with the boys most days. Not to rub it in, but I get avocados from RR and I get speakers from JP, etc. I really can’t complain because they are good to me here, it’s just not the same though. I really miss my former co-workers. Especially now that I’ve been replaced.

6/21/2005

MUSIC

I would like to thank JP for providing me with speakers for my computer here at work. My last office, we at least had Muzik to listen to. (Muzik is a contracted music station that a lot of retail establishments purchases without commercials). So at least I had something to listen to. I'm by myself quite a bit at my new job, and had NOTHING to listen to, other than the guys up stairs on their conference calls. That is until I went to lunch with JP the other day and was telling him that I was going to buy a radio so I could have something to listen to at my desk. He said, "Why don't you just get some speakers and listen to streaming media"?

After we got back from lunch that day, we brought down speakers that he had connected to his computer for me. I immediately hooked them puppies up and found Yahoo Launchcast, and created my very own music station. If you've never heard of this, I think it's the bomb! Here's the link to my station http://music.yahoo.com/launchcast/station.asp?u=1239920681

Yahoo will play random songs from categories that I choose. I rate the songs, artists and the album, and can even choose not to play that song again. Artists that I love, they will play more music from, than artists that are ok. One song may be from DMX, and the next could be from The Cure. I love variety.

I'm at work all alone today (with nothing to do), so thank you JP for hooking me up with the speakers and your wonderful suggestion to use streaming media.

6/20/2005

ONE BUSY WEEKEND

One of my best friends is getting married next month. Saturday was her bridal shower. Now, her family doesn’t throw your ordinary bridal shower, her shower was more like a bachelorette party, complete with a stripper, alcohol, penis straws and a “Drop the Weenie into the Bottle” game. (Which I tied with another girl).

Since her shower was near the LAX Airport (2 hours from where I live), I stayed the night with Jenill and her fiancé at her mom’s house that night. We drank more and hung out in the Jacuzzi for a couple of hours. I quit drinking early on, and started dowing water. I could not be hung over the next day because I had to move my kids out of my parent’s house on Sunday.

I arrived at Mom & Dad’s around 11 and worked my ass off throwing away broken toys, picking up their room and doing laundry. My parents were so nice that they sprung on me at 5 pm that my grandpa would be staying in my room this week, so I needed to get it ready for him, knowing I had plans of trying to leave at 6 pm! Needless to say, I was very pissed off about that. Why didn’t they tell me earlier?

David came over around 5:30 with D.J. We had dinner and loaded up the kids dressers and mattresses onto the trailer. David drove D.J. back to Orange County and the kids and I went home to Oceanside. We got home around 9:30, unloaded my car, then I had my daughter make their lunches for Day Camp (which started today), while David and I got the kids bed in and made. We finally got to bed around 11:30 and I was exhausted.

This morning, the kids started their Summer Day Camp. My daughter is in a dance class and my son is in Multi-Sports. They were both very excited about their camps and hopefully, there will be some girls my daughter’s age in her camp, because when I dropped her off, most of the girls were a few years younger.

I then took my son to his Day Camp, which was at a totally different location. I think I was more nervous than he was! There were a TON of kids and they just kind of threw him in there. I asked what he needed to do with his lunch, and they said just put the lunch on the table and he can go out on the field. In my head I’m screaming “OUT ON THE FIELD, HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYBODY, IT WOULD BE NICE IF HE HAD SOME GUIDANCE”! So that’s exactly what my son did, he put his lunch on the table and within 30 seconds, he was out on the field playing with a group of boys.

I’m pretty distracted today, thinking about how the kids are doing and what they are doing and if they are having fun (which I’m sure they are). I’m worried if other kids are being nice to my son (I’m sure they are). I can’t wait to see them tonight to find out how their day went.

6/16/2005

THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE

It’s the simple things in life that make me happy:

Being able to make 2 sided – 3 hole punched copies

Getting in my car and having it start up right away

Having internet access at work

Coffee in the morning (preferably a Starbucks low fat raspberry mocha), but I’ll drink regular coffee as long as there’s cream and sugar

Cell Phones

Chocolate

Having a window in my office

Music

Friends & Family

And most importantly, being able to see my kids everyday

You don’t realize how important the simple things are in life, until you don’t have them. These things are taken for granted because you have them every day. Once you have them back, life is so much better, but then they become a regular part of everyday life and because we’re human, we tend to take these things for granted. Sucks how life is like that.

6/15/2005

Stressin’ Out

I’m usually not a huge stress case. At least I don’t think I am. Others who know me may say otherwise, but when I compare myself to others whom I would consider to be one big stress case, I definitely would say, I’m not one of them.

I’m not saying I don’t stress out. But I do worry about things that are important to me. Such as my kids moving to Oceanside. This is a very stressful thing not only for me, but for them as well. However, moving my kids to a completely different city takes a ton of work, planning and organizing. Not only do I know have to worry about child care and the expenses I incur with that, I also have to worry about enrolling them into school and finding all the paperwork I need and the shot records.

Enrolling them into the Summer Day Camp program had me in tears. I didn’t realize it takes up to two weeks to get notified if I qualify for financial aid. I was hoping that I did, but you never know, because in some instances, I would definitely make too much money. But I guess, being a single mom and living where I do know, I don’t make shit.

I applied one week prior to the kids beginning Summer Day Camp, since I knew there would be costs involved, and I just got paid the prior Friday. I was told the wait would be approx. 3 weeks. I almost started crying right then and there! If it took 3 weeks for me to get financial aid, it would be another 3 weeks before they came to live with me and I already miss them tremendously!

I went to the Membership Counselor to get an application and I explained to her that I’m without my kids until I can get day care, however I can’t afford the fees and the membership dues. The cheapest Day Camp is $164 per week, per kid with a membership, otherwise it’s another $40 without the membership and times that by two, holy smokes, half my check would be going to child care! The girl turned out to be a god send. She gave me the application and told me if I come in the morning and speak personally with the Membership Coordinator, she may be able to take care of it in a few days, rather than a few weeks.

I had to be at work by 8, so I thought I would leave early and speak with her. Chaos was happening in the office, and I was the only one here at 3:30, and I needed to be there by 4. I emailed the Membership Coordinator and explained my situation and asked if I could PDF all the documents and email them to her. Luckily she emailed me right back and said that would be fine. Within minutes I had the approval letter back from her stating that I will receive ½ tuition and membership dues. Hallelujah! She made my day. So right after work, I enrolled my kids into Summer Camp and they will be moving in with me and David on Sunday night!

6/14/2005

MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY

Since I took you to your nana’s on Sunday night, I’ve felt as though a part of me is missing. I’ve been trying to hold it together, but each passing day gets harder and harder with out you. I find myself longing to be with you, to hold you, to kiss you. I miss all the motherly things I do for you like fix your meals, make sure you take a shower, tuck you in at night and give you hugs and kisses before you go to sleep. I miss the way you smile at me and tell me “I love you mommy”.

Seeing you on the weekends isn’t enough. I know it’s only temporary, and we’ll be together soon. But these weeks without you is hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. I miss your laugh, your smile. Not being able to see you everyday brings tears to my eyes. You two are the sweetest kids and you have so much love and bring so much joy to my life. Words can’t express a mothers love for her children, you two are my life.

6/13/2005

SO APRIL, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

Well, David is still perfect in every way, well, as much as humanly possible. Things couldn’t be going any better:

My friend April, helped me secure a position at the company she was working for in Escondido, as her replacement. I’m making a ton more money and I’m working 15 minutes from home.

Home only 15 minutes from Escondido? I thought you lived in Yucaipa.

Oh, I guess I didn’t mention that the weekend prior to starting my new job in Escondido, I moved in with David. I now reside in Oceanside. (Hey, that rhymes!) He’s in the process of purchasing my engagement ring, and we have talked about getting married next summer.

How is it, living with David?

I love, love, love living with David. We have a beautiful condo with a great view. If it’s sunny enough, you can see the Ocean from our balcony. We live 5 minutes from the beach!

What about the kids?

The kids finished their school year out in Yucaipa. They stayed with my parents and my ex-husband and his parents for about 3 weeks. I’m in the process of enrolling them in Summer Day Camp out here, which doesn’t start until June 20. I pick the kids up for the weekends, since I miss them like crazy for the 5 days I’m not with them. They are getting more and more excited about moving out here. Two weekends ago I took them to the pier and we saw dolphins. What could be cooler than that? I also took the kids to their new schools. You can see the ocean from my daughter’s school. Her school is about 2 miles from the beach.

So, as you can see, I’m completely happy. I’m with the man of my dreams who gives me more love and affection than most girls get in their life time, I’m making more money, I live in a cool beach city, in a new condo with a gorgeous kitchen, and my kids will be living with me soon. Yes, I am very, very happy!