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THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.

9/26/2005

ROASTING GRANDPA

The Roasting of Granpa was a huge sucess and we got big big laughs. After having a few drinks, I wasn't nervous at all. This is how it happened:

Me: We’re here tonight to not only celebrate of our grandpa’s 85th birthday, but to thank Grandpa for all the things he has taught us throughout the years.

Grandpa was great about teaching us little tricks to help remember things. When I was a little girl, I loved to run around in my underwear. It just felt good. Anyways, one day we were visiting Grandma and Grandpa and he noticed that I had my underwear on backwards. He taught me a little trick to always remember which way to put on my underwear. Yellow in the front, brown in the back. (Put on rubber gloves)I was helping him do his laundry this morning... (Pull out underwear, that is BADLY stained with brown shoe polish and yellow marker) Obviously Grandpa still goes by that rule.

Laurie: Grandpa’s taught me about drinking. On my 21st Birthday, he was so happy to have yet another drinking buddy he wanted to start my birthday off properly by offering me a tangueray as soon as I got up that morning. It was something like 7 am. So I said to him “Grandpa, don’t you think it’s a little early to start drinking? It’s not even noon yet! Grandpa said to me “Well, it’s noon somewhere”!

Lisa: Another thing Grandpa has taught me is Good Manners. If you’re at church, and a rather large woman is sitting in the pew in front of you and you notice that her dress is stuck between her butt cheeks, Grandpa has taught me that it is RUDE to pull the dress out of the woman’s behind. He has also taught me that if you just couldn’t help yourself, and went ahead and helped the lady out, by assisting her with pulling her dress out of her ass, you shouldn’t push it back in if she gets mad at you.

JoAnn: Grandpa has also taught us about wildlife. Because of him, I know the difference between the OHNO Bird and the OOHAH Bird. In case you’re wondering they are very rare birds.... OhNo Bird has testicles that hang so low, everytime he comes in for a landing he yells OH NO OH NO and the OohAhh Bird lays square eggs as it lays the eggs, it says Ooooh... Ahhhhh.

April: As you can tell, we have all learned quite a bit from Grandpa growing up. He has been such a great role model for all of us.

We wanted to get Grandpa something for his birthday that he’s always wanted. But what exactly do you get an 85 year old man? This was tough. Then I remembered..... David, could you please present Grandpa with his birthday gift? ........ Grandpa has always wanted a 9” Pianist!



I know most of it isn't very funny to people who haven't heard my granpa's jokes for the past gazillion years, but everyone in attendance has been hearing his jokes forever. I do have to explain the closing joke, because that brought the house down. People were laughing so hard they were in tears.

The joke goes a little something like this:

So this man goes into the bar and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man and a piano and sits them on the bar, and the little man begins to play the piano. The bartender looks at the man and says "What the hell is that? That is remarkable! Where did you find such a thing?"

The man replys "Well, I was walking on the beach in Santa Monica the other day, kicking around the sand, when I kicked a bottle and a jenie appeared and told me I could have one wish".

The Bartender says "Don't you normally get three wishes".

The man says "Yes, but this was one cheap jeanie, so I could only get one wish. Apparently there was a problem with the dialect, because I eneded up with a 9" Pianist".

I have a ton of pictures to share, and will post them later this week!

5 Comments:

At 10:28 AM, Blogger mal said...

*L*

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

If I told those jokes to my grandpa in front of the rest of the family, I would be excommunicated.

Hmmm, maybe a roast of grandpa isn't such a bad idea.

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger Alice said...

that is so fabulous!!! i'm storing this idea to do for my dad one day, it will totally crack him up :-)

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Romeo Jensen said...

sounds like gramps is a hoot... now about this proclivity to run around in your underwear... would this be a current practice as well???

Heather is 24... 2 years older than me :) she likes them young and dumb and... Danish

romey/bounce

 
At 10:27 AM, Blogger stretch td said...

Too funny. Congrats on a successful roast ... and the new job!

 

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