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You may see things differently, but this is how I view my life.


I GIVE UP for now

Being the nice mom that I am, I told my son last night that his father had called the night before to wish him a happy birthday, but he was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up. Then I asked him if he'd like to call his dad.

Of course he did. You should of seen the look on his face when he found out his dad had called, and the tears welling up in his eyes.

I found Fuckheads number in my cell and pressed send and handed the phone to my son. Of course it went straight to voicemail, so Collin left the sweetest message on Fuckheads voicemail that made my eyes well up with tears..

"Hi Dad, I'm calling you back. I guess your busy. I love you so so so so much."

Then he added a bunch of kisses.

You would think after hearing a message like the the fucker would call back.

Well, he didn't.

It breaks my heart. And as a mother, I want to make his father have an active part in my kids life, because I can see the hurt it's causing for him not to be there.

Fortunately, I don't know what its like, because my parents have been married for 32 years, and my grandparents were married for over 55 years. But I am seeing it first hand, and it really sucks because it doesn't have to be this way.

Yesterday I wrote an email to my ex's girlfriend. I befriended her when Fuckhead was missing and she's the one I went to Laughlin with when I met David. She knows about most of the stuff Fuckhead pulled when we were married, and about all the lies, and all of the shit he pulled after I left him, but yet she still wants to be with him. I think she's one of those people who feels the need to "save" somebody.

Well, I've got news for you sister, you can't "save" him, you can't change him. He is who he is, and he's FUCKED UP! As long as you are with him, you will have nothing. You will have to continually bail him out of his scams. The man is thousand and thousands and thousands of dollars in debt, and only a miracle of winning the lottery will get him out of it. He is an alcholoic and will always put alcohol before you, before his kids and before himself. Alcoholics are extremely selfish, and are liars. Hopefully it won't take you 8 years to leave him, like it did me.

Because I know this, I guess you can say it makes it easier on me to not try to figure out why he doesn't call the kids, why he doesn't help support them. I knew this would happen. But the kids don't know this, however my daughter is starting to figure him out.

I told my daughter yesterday that her dad had called to wish Collin a happy birthday last night but it was after they had gone to bed. She said to me "What excuse did he use this time, because I know he always has an excuse". Obviously, she's learning.


At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you are not with him anymore. Too bad your son is stuck with him as a natural father. Luckily, you have great men in your life that can be real life examples on how to be a real man. The real man that you ex never will be.

At 1:36 PM, Blogger Eric said...

Divorce is always hard. My son is 4 and is having to deal with it now. He is continuously blown off by her for men, work and whatever else she can destroy him with.

Before she went overseas she did a lot to him. She would yell at me all the time to pull him away from the door so she could leave, instead of trying to talk to him herself. I do not want to get into all of it.

But when she came back from overseas. She stayed at our house one night. We were both laying with my son. She feel asleep. My son put his hand on her and one on me and said "See daddy, I am holding you and mommy together". That is so sad.

I give her credit, she is part of his life, she pays her child support, she is there when I ask. But she treats him like dirt. It is not fair to him, he deserves better than that.

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Alice said...

that is so sad that your kids have to learn what a jackarse your ex is.. but i guess it's good that your daughter has started to figure it out, instead having to be disappointed over and over.

it IS a good thing david is around... your kids will benefit so much from a strong male role model. yay david, even if he can't write a good instructional email ;-)


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